"Forgotten Feelings"
[previous "Fast Footed Friend"]

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Setting: MASQUERADE DREAMS, Deck 23
Stardate: 30153.0700

Jayson had not even noticed that he had wandered away from the group. His mind, like his feet, had been going around aimlessly, moving from thought to thought. He remembered what he had done, how he had been responsible for what had happened to Lillie.  He felt anger, shame and disgust at what he had done, what he had put his fellow shipmates through.

Then he would remember Shae, the way she had smiled at him on that first day, the way her voice made him lose track of time. More important though had been his remembering the way she looked in the arms of the Hirogen. No one had said who had been responsible, but Jayson had not been simple minded enough not to pick up on the obvious clues.

Had Uxtar been the one to put Shae in such a state, the hunter would have most certainly shown some sort of pride in his handy work. Hirogens had never been known for being modest in their achievements, regardless of how easy or difficult they might have been. Instead the OPS officer had seen only surprise and disbelief in the eyes of the hunter, a clear hint that he had not been the one responsabile.

This left Commander Shar'El, Commander Maya, Lieutenant Paquette, Ensign Ya'Han and the terrorist Fenix as the possible culprit. Given what he knew of each one, and based on what he had observed, the OPS officer knew this: the ExO could not have done this, her compassion for others having been too strong to be so completely turned up-side-down to have her inflict so much pain on another. Commander Maya was a scientist, a person dedicated to research, so it had not been within her to be cruel to the extent that had been required to inflict such injuries.

Cruelty had likely been a second skin to the terrorist known as Fenix, so it had been well within his grasp to be the cause of what had happened to Shae, but she had been his follower, his companion and Jayson could not imagine her doing anything that would have turned the terrorist so completely against her. This meant that there had been only two other possibilities, the light-hearted Engineer and the woman he had come to admire in many different ways.

As an Engineer, Sonja likely possessed the strength to inflict the injuries as he had seen them, but the woman's character had made her to be an unlikely candidate for having actually done as such.  Granted, under the right circumstances he was sure that Sonja could be properly motivated to unleash hell itself, but he could not imagine Shae having been capable of pushing the CEO beyond the breaking point.

So only one possibility remained, a possibility that he could barely imagine yet unable to ignore.  Shae had been a sweet lady who had made some questionable decisions, but as Ya'Jun to older sister had been in a perfect position to reach Ya'Han in a way that no one else could have.  As the Chief of Security of the ANUBIS, Ya'Han had gained both the skills and knowledge to inflict the wounds that he had seen without any problems.

Jayson rubbed his chest as he felt a tightness take hold of him. Had he been feeling anxiety and fear for Ya'Jun or had he been experiencing anger bordering on rage towards Ya'Han?  He remembered admiring her, the way she moved, the way she talked, but what troubled him the most was that with each step he took he could not clearly remember if it had been Ya'Han or Ya'Jun he was remembering.

Had his falling for Ya'Jun so completely been because of the feeling he had kept hidden for Ya'Han? Had the older sister reach his heart and mind so easily because in a way she had taken her younger sister's place in his unconscious dreams?

He knew what needed to be done. Without thinking he found himself heading back to the room where the two sister had been.  There he to find the answers his mind and heart had been silently searching for. Whatever would come to pass he needed to understand his feelings, his thoughts and who they had been truly for.

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Jayson Sousa

Ensign Jayson Stark
Chief of Operations
USS ANUBIS, NCC-18501