"Frightful Fears"
[previous "Fighting Fair"]

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Setting: MASQUERADE DREAMS, Room 23-130
Stardate: 30153.0650

He laid on the bed, his back against the softness of the sheets, his eyes locked on some unseen point on the ceiling.  Lillie had been right, in his current state of mind he had been useless to the rest of the team, scarier had been that fact that he had been useless to himself.

Everytime he pushed the thought of the enchantress out of his mind, she would find a way back. Every time he would force another memory at the forefront, her face, her eyes and her smile would return.  Whatever the Doctor had given him had helped, but he had not been ready or willing to admit that it had not been enough to free him of the spell that Shae had cast on him.

How easily she had broken him, making him relive events that he had done his best to hide away and forget.  A shiver swept through his body as he remembered telling her about who he worked for and that he had not been alone.  That memory triggered another and Jayson instinctively reached for his cheek to rub it.  To say that Shae had been angry would have been an understatement of galactic proportion, the lasting soreness of his cheek being proof of this.

Still, he would have endured that pain and discomfort a thousand times over if had insured him keeping his mouth shut. Talking about his past had been one thing, something that might have led to unpleasant memories returning to anchor themselves in the present. To talk about his time at the Academy and as a member of the ANUBIS had crossed a line that he knew could not be easily forgiven, whatever the reason might have been.

In doing so he had placed everyone in danger. The crew of the ANUBIS worked best in the shadows, but knowledge of their existence should shine a light that none of them could afford to have on them.  Like the pieces of an elaborate placed domino set, each part played a delicate role and should only one fall, the rest would soon follow.

Losing his commission and position on the ANUBIS scared him beyond words, but the reality that what he had revealed could place the entirety of the NEW ALEXANDRIA complex at risk had been more than the OPS officer could bare.  If only he could remember for certain what he had said to her.  Had he simply shared the accounts of his time in Starfleet Academy or had he said something about the secret based where he had been covertly taken to?  Had he actually mentioned the ANUBIS and the member of its crew by name or had he managed to keep those details vague enough to avoid a complete breach of security?

If only he could remember.

Jayson wanted to bounce off the bed and rush after Shae to confront her, to demand that she tell him what he had told her, but he knew that this would not be possible.  Lillie had been all too right in her evaluation of his condition and how he would be the moment his eyes would fall once again upon the enchantress.  There had been nothing that he could do to fight against her powers over him, and if he had indeed not fully betrayed his fellow shipmates, seeing her again would insure that this time around he would tell her everything.

If only he could remember.

He closed his eyes, loathing himself for what he had done even though he could not remember having actually done it. The simple possibility of him having divulged such sensitive secret information to a woman who was associated with a known terrorist had been enough to make him sick. Had he been able to knowing that this would make everything right, he would have gladly given his life in the most painful of ways. How many lives would be affected or even lost because of what he had done and said?

If only he could remember.

All that Jayson could do was to wait in the darkness of his closed eyes and the silence of his removed subdermal communicator for what would happen next, powerless to do anything about it, and frightfully scared of what would come to pass, not for him but for everyone else.

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Jayson Sousa

Ensign Jayson Stark
Chief of Operations
USS ANUBIS, NCC-18501